A Question of Confidence
I used to play for my subdivision basketball team way back when I was in highschool. Playing ball was and still is a big thing where I live and so, although I couldn’t really find time to immerse myself in the game during the school year, come summer, the game, the ball and the court owned me. There was this one particular tryout (yes, we had tryouts - like I said, it was a big deal) I went to where something happened that still makes me think up till today.
It was pretty early when players started arriving on the court, 5 AM, probably 6. This, despite the fact that tryouts would start at around 7. It didn’t take a lot of waiting for the coach to arrive - a short yet imposing individual who at the time was a sort of village basketball legend. He knew all of us, so despite the coolness of the morning, he easily warmed up to those of us who were already there, saying stories of players he knew, games he watched and plays he wanted to run. And though most of us were restlessly fidgeting about, dribbling around, shooting half-hearted three pointers here and there, throwing chest passes only to ask the ball back, we were all avidly listening. We were all nervous in one way or another.
In the middle of one of those silences you naturally reach during conversations, the coach started asking each of us a very simple question - “Tingin mo ba makakapasok ka?” The person who was primarily going to decide if we would make the team was asking us straight out whether we thought we would make the team or not. As expected, each of us gave answers as half-hearted as the shots we were taking. “Sana”. “Bahala na”. “Ikaw bahala, coach”. “Hindi ko lang alam”. You know what I’m talking about.
After asking each and every one of us, the coach fell silent for a moment and then said very bluntly, “Kung di kayo sigurado kung papasa kayo, ano pa ginagawa ninyo dito?” The guy made sense. If we didn’t think we were going to make the team, given the skills we already had, what was the point of trying out in the first place? For the coach, to be there, meant something. It meant you thought you had what it takes. Anybody who thought otherwise, should not be there. It was as simple as that.
Most of us go through life not really sure of ourselves and our abilities, fumbling around even with the things we know we know. We go to tests and evaluations thinking, you know what, I’m probably going to fail. We go to interviews, auditions or tryouts, not sure whether we’re going to impress or not. We make presentations, enter deliberations and offer our arguments not convinced of the wisdom of our own words. But what’s the point of even going to such tests, interviews or presentations if we don’t think we’re going to succeed? Putting it from another perspective, what’s the point of being unsure of ourselves, if we all want to succeed?
Others would point out the uncertainty of things - “bilog ang bola”, kung baga. Anything and everything can happen. And you know what, to a large extent, that’s true. But come to think of it, in any situation, there are variables and there are certainties. And inasmuch as it’s impossible for any situation to be totally certain, meaning to have nothing but certainties, it is equally unlikely to have a situation where there are nothing but variables. And perhaps, what confidence is, is really one of the more reliable certainties we can hold on to when facing the challenge of everyday - something that does not negate anxiety and nervousness, but much more, goes beyond it. And what’s so damn good about it is that it’s something we control. Regardless of how good or how prepared we really are, the personal notion that we meet par or are even above it, that we are good enough or that we are even the best, this is something that cannot be taken away - that should not be given away. It’s a sure thing, if we want it to be.
I am in not saying it’s easy. Hell no. There are a lot of things that get in the way. Individual insecurities. The Filipino (over)regard for humility - that’s another, much longer story. Superstitions. The fear of failure. But whatever it is, the truth in the question “Kung di kayo sigurado kung papasa kayo, ano pa ginagawa ninyo dito?” continues to disturb me.
That coach eventually became a championship mentor of a big time highschool team. And a good number of the players he asked to the question to that morning eventually found themselves playing for their respective colleges. As for me, well, I’ve tried to take the idea behind the question to every endeavor and every effort, always thinking that success is inevitable and winning is imminent.
By the way, I made it to the team that summer.
