Everything is Something

The other day I was at the grocery browsing through the canned goods
section when I stumbled upon what to me was disconcerting. It was a
stack of cans of Century Tuna Flakes in Vegetable Oil LITE. Now it
might be not that easy to grasp what exactly irked me about the concept
of a lite version of a tuna brand. You see, if you’ve ever noticed
Century Tuna ads, more often than not, you’d see some gorgeous model
holding a bowl of tuna saying in so little words something to the
effect that if you eat tuna, more specifically Century Tuna, you’ll
look like her/him. The whole idea of it is ridiculuous of course
because I’m not going to look like Borgy Manotoc because I devour cans
of processed fish day in and day out. And I’m sure some pimply fat
female high school sophomore will not at any time thank Century Tuna
because it made her look like Phoemela Baranda. But hell, that’s their
pitch. Anyway, the thing about these ads is that the attainment of the
healthy and gorgeous bodies, among other benefits, is premised on the
eating of plain, old non-special Century Tuna Flakes in Vegetable Oil.
So what in god’s name is Century Tuna Flakes in Vegetable Oil LITE
supposed to do? Is it supposed to make me look like Borgy Manotoc
faster? Is it supposed to give me eight packs, not just six? Or did it
take it up a notch and it can actually make me look like Tyson
Beckford? Isn’t the whole pitch of the original Century Tuna, at least
judging by the models they use, that it’s going to make everybody look
like they have foreign blood, live in Forbes Park and model for
Philippine Tattler? Then what the hell is the LITE version for? What
more could people possibly need? Is the LITE version the real deal now
and the original Flakes in Oil was nothing more than a sham? So what,
you mean to say Century Tuna has been bloating and fattening me up all
the damn time before there was a Century Tuna LITE?

If
i’ll be able to find reasonable answers to my questions, i’ll never
know. As of present, the issue is moot - I bought the damn can of lite
tuna anyway.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 8th, 2006 at 12:50 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.